hamstercult.com--how it came to pass...

The legend of hamstercult.com goes back for millions of years. A young man named Roberticus Haggenvahuler was born into a band of traveling gypsies in the countryside of modern-day Bulgaria. A sturdy young lad, Roberticus was well-liked among the clan, with his wit, humor, and charming good looks.

However, tragedy soon struck young Roberticus' life. As he was out foraging for food as the caravan traveled, they should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque. Instead, they fell off a 600-foot cliff. Roberticus, who was the only gypsy that could actually read a map, was the only survivor.

The people of the land, generally unfond of gypsies, did not take Roberticus in. He was doomed to spend many years struggling for survival. Even many animals would not comfort him. That is, except the hamsters.

It was the hamsters that gave Roberticus comfort, food and shelter. But even so, they could not stop Roberticus' desire to take over the world that had rejected him, and make it a better place where nobody else would be treated the same way.

Roberticus' plot for world domination was quite simple. He would mesmerize the masses with collections of his writing, present random think tank sessions, and discuss sports. It was a foolproof plan. It won over the hamsters, who pledged their undying loyalty to Roberticus, who had now taken the name "Grand Holy Emperor Wafflegrape"

And, if that didn't work, nuclear weapons.

So for years, the plot of a gypsy child has been brewing. Recognizing the need to take world domination to the digital domain, hamstercult.com was built. The masses will never know what hit them.

Nowadays, Grand Holy Emperor Wafflegrape resides in a extravagent mansion in northwestern Nova Scotia, where a dozen scantly clad supermodels cater to his every need, and most of his thoughts are transferred to the populace by the hamster minions, who now take a blood oath of loyalty. In his spare time, the Grand Holy Emperor enjoys golf, non-invasive surgery, chicken hockey, and considering a possible takeover of Mars and Jupiter once Earth is out of the way.

Muhahahaha...