hamstercult.com--WORLD DOMINATION!!!

9 ways to take over the globe that could very well be happening right this moment and you don't even know it...well, you know it because you're reading this, but how seriously are you actually taking it?

Let's hear it for conspiracy theories!

Hamstercult.com's stated goal is world domination. But come on, you think this is really the only plot to take over the world out there? There's got to be millions. But, how realistic are they?

I've hatched up 9 possible scenarios that I see playing out in world domination. I've scored them in two ways: The probability that all the factors are set up for it to happen, and the actuality of it happening. All these scenaiors are ranked on a standard 24-point system, with 1 being very unlikely, 24 being very likely, and 16 being a number that falls between 1 and 24.

Now, let's get started!

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #1: Blogging destorys the mainstream media.
As both a blogger and a mainstream media member, why not? Blogging allows people to read whatever they want, regardless of accuracy. People very well may prefer to not let the truth get in the way of a good story. Through all this, one blogger will rise as supreme, and take their rightful spot as ruler of the world.

Probability of factors set up: 22. Blogging rocks!
Actuality: 17. Supreme blogger will probably be anonymous, and nobody wants to follow a leader with numbers in their name like "Emperor Xenox74653."

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #2: Denial of service attack on MySpace.
Everybody loves MySpace. So, if a colony of hackers puts together a denial of service attack (basically, infect a lot of computers with a virus, then command them all to try to visit the same site and the same time causing the site to crash), and focused on MySpace instead of the usual targets of The White House and Microsoft, it would cause a major panic among Gen-Yers, causing them to overthrow world governments.

Probability of factors set up: 20. Hackers really don't like Microsoft.
Actuality: 10. Gen-Yers are to apathetic to overthrow most world governments. Except Luxemborg, and they have it coming.

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #3: Barack Obama reveals he's actually from Neptune.
The junior senator from Illinois is one cool fellow, judging by how big his following was at the Democratic National Convention in 2004. Neptune is pretty cool, too--figuratively (pretty color), and literally (average surface temperature of -200 degrees Celsius). But, Obama reveals his true form just as the ships with death rays enter the atmosphere. Then it's all "Independence Day" from there.

Probability of factors set up: 14. Obama's still in his first term.
Actuality: 12. Neptunians would need a lot of sunscreen on Earth, and the air conditioning bills would be outrageous.

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #4: Baseball contraction.
Little did Bud Selig know that the only thing keeping King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden from unleashing his hidden stockpile of nuclear weapons was the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Probability of factors set up: 11. Hockey's still bigger in Sweden.
Actuality: 16. Come on, who would actually admit they watch the Devil Rays?

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #5: Kato Kaelin is held hostage.
The world's most famous houseguest is once again a houseguest--against his will by a fringe cult that worships not the cute, furry, lovable hamster--but unicorns or something like that. I mean, these folks are nuts. But, for some bizarre reason, the world is attached to Kato, and a special session of UN hands over all world power to the unicorn worshippers in exchange for not letting his hair grow back out.

Probability of factors set up: 8. Unicorn lovers aren't that crazy--I think.
Actuality: 5. Kaelin's career is going downhill fast.

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #6: Ninjas overthrow NATO.
Ninjas are stealthy, dedicated, intelligent, and cool. If anybody can take over the world, it's a ninja. Prone to flip out at inopportune times, the ninjas finally get so ticked that they go to Brussels and kick some North Atlantic Treaty Organization butt, using their resources to take over the rest of the world.

Probability of factors set up: 23. Come on, we're talking about ninjas here.
Actuality: 2. Ninjas wouldn't want to rule the world because it takes all the fun out of flipping out and killing people.

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #7: Pirates overthrow NATO.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (What, you're expecting an explination? All pirates can say is "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." Okay, I'd imagine there would be ships, cannons, and parrots.)

Probability of factors set up: 20. Not as high as ninjas because ninjas are better than pirates.
Actuality: 4. World domination is more appealing to pirates than ninjas, but Brussels is too far inland.

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #8: Prince song triggers mass hypnosis.
Listen to "1999." Listen to "Purple Rain" Listen to "1999" again. Eventually chemical impulses begin to change, releasing a little-known chromosome into your brain stem. That's when The Artist Called Prince Again strikes, sending out radio signals that make us all his absent-minded slaves.

Probability of factors set up:
Actuality:

POSSIBLE SCENARIO #9: Start television show that transfixes the masses, keeping them oblivious to what's actually going on in the world around them, instead relying on simplistic jokes and superficial interviews.

Oh, crap...